i can finally say it

i am really happy. i know happiness is fleeting and isn't something to strive for. maybe content is the word i'm looking for. it's still strange to me that it's november and i left the states in may. in some ways i feel like i've been gone for forever and the US feels like a foreign concept. at the same time i can still so clearly remember sitting nervously alone in DFW airport after crossing security and thinking "this is the last time i will stand on US ground for a very long time" maybe that's dramatic but hey, that's just what i was thinking. that feels like it happened yesterday. time is weird. i am now typing this, with only 22 days left in botswana. in 24 days (2 days traveling -___-) i will return to what seems like normalcy. my neighborhood starbucks that i have dearly missed more than anyone knows, my red 2003 ford ranger, target shopping with my mom, grace covenant church, eventually my US university, stephen f. austin. maybe nothing will seem different but i am so different. that girl sitting nervously in DFW airport not knowing what to expect is returning changed. i have grown to appreciate things about the united states. i have learned to not take the simplicity of "home" for granted. i will simply NEVER be bored again and if i ever catch myself saying im bored in the states after spending 6 months over here, i deserve to be slapped. i've spent these 6 months without TV or really any form of digital entertainment, without a car, occasionally without internet, without the places that are comfortable and familiar to me. life just looks different here and for the most part, i have just grown accustomed to it. i have learned to be patient. very very patient. everything here moves in slow motion which sounds annoying but sometimes i think us, americans in particular, have something to gain from this. batswana aren't in a rush, ever. they take their time and talk to each other like really talk to each other. they don't do anything alone, they live in community with one another. i think this is valuable and we should learn from them. i have also, whether this is a good thing or not, been given a voice. i have learned to stand up for myself a bit if necessary. i used to be more timid, not wanting to be in people's way. i can't even express the lessons i have learned. i don't even think i will realize them all until months after returning to the US. i just know for now that going into all of this i was so excited but i was also nervous, nervous that it would fail miserably and i would look like an idiot. i was afraid that after a few months, i would be unbearably homesick or just plain uncomfortable. the last thing i wanted to be was someone chasing some stupid dream. i wanted to do this and be at peace with the decision to do so. hallelujah, Lord Jesus is in control and not me because clearly, He knows what He is doing. i couldn't be more happy with the way i feel right now nearing the end of my 6 months of traveling. i feel at peace and content. two things which i am constantly chasing and rarely attain. i'm at a point that i am ready to go home, to see my wonderful family and spend christmas with them celebrating the birth of Christ Jesus but i know it will be so hard to leave here. which is good. i didn't want it to be easy to leave. that would mean that i spent my time here being miserable, longing for something that i have spent the past 20 years of my life complaining about - my normal life in austin/nacogdoches, texas. instead i don't feel excited to leave gaborone, i just feel ready as if the time is right. i feel at peace about how this entire adventurous chapter of my life has gone and i'm interested to see what's next. i am reinvigorated about life in general. classes at a university in east texas don't seem mundane any more, they seem exciting, fresh and new again. i am content. i am not often content and it feels really great to say that and honestly mean it. to everyone that has been following this blog, sent me mail, wrote me on facebook, prayed for me, thank you. you really can't comprehend what it means to me. i remember telling my roommate before i left, "i feel like after about 4 months, everyone will just forget i'm alive." sure enough, that has not been the case. i don't know why i'm so fortunate. well, actually i do. that's because Jesus Christ is alive and He is clearly living in my friends and family. thank you for not forgetting i am still on this planet, although i may be 9,000 miles from where you are. 24 days from now that distance will be much shorter. i can't wait to be reunited with everyone! i really really love you all! :) peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. john 14:27

the roommate mailed me starbucks pumpkin spice. it just happened to
be a fall-ish day in the middle of africa's summer the day i got my package.
look at my wonderful friends and God's reminders that He loves me. 

home

due to my obnoxious facebook posts, many of you probably already know that i went out of town for the past couple of weeks. we had a break from classes for about a week so, three friends (lindsey, elle and ashton) and i decided to adventure. we ended up taking a few extra days off from classes (whoops) in order to see as much as humanly possible. in 12 days we went to 3 countries. i think it's easy to view africa like the US meaning, each country is like a different state but let me tell you, that is not the case. these countries are far apart and south africa is huge. each time you enter or exit a different country you have to exit the bus and clear customs, which could take an unfortunate amount of time. our final journey back to gaborone began in macia, mozambique and took 18 hours, 3 buses, and 3 border crossings. a long, long, long, journey. complaints aside, everything was completely worth it. without a doubt, these past few weeks will be some of my favorite memories from my time here. we spent our first 4 days in manzini, swaziland with the sweetest missionary couple, dudley and inge donaldson in the whole wide world. they fed us home-made cookies and let us watch their TV (none of us have watched actual TV in months). also, let me say, swaziland is one of those hidden gems of the world. it is so beautiful and i had no idea. we arrived at night time and were exhausted so we went quickly to bed. the next morning we woke up to the most glorious sunrise peacocks, black swans and ducks in a small pond out the window and rolling mountains for miles. that afternoon the donaldson's hosted a braai (bbq) for some of the rural children that they work with. we spent the whole afternoon playing games and laughing with these sweet swazi children. after the braai finished, we ended up heading back to their village area on the truck. the truck had about 80 people packed onto it and no roof or walls. not to mention, we were driving through the mountains on unpaved roads. it was quite the adventure.

once we arrived, we followed a girl named sempiwe to her house. as we were walking down the green mountain to sempiwe's house the sun was setting and an array of colors was bursting across the sky. it was glorious. we were invited inside along with 3 other children. sempiwe and her siblings offered us some juice and turned on the TV. so, there we sat watching WWE, drinking juice with 4 swazi children in a house carved into the side of a mountain while the sun was setting like i've never seen it set in my life. it was one of those moments where i felt special that God chose me to experience that. after about an hour, dudley came to pick us up and we returned to the donaldson's house for some JAG and a good night's sleep. the rest of our time in swaziland was nothing short of amazing. from manzini we headed to johannesburg, south africa to attend the passion conference. passion was the most awesome experience and one of my favorite parts of the whole trip.

 it was so surreal worshiping God with thousands upon thousands of south africans. chris tomlin kept saying things like "hello south africa" and "howzit johannesburg?" and i kept having to remind myself that i wasn't dreaming. it was so cool. when we got to johannesburg, we decided we wanted to push the adventurous sides of ourselves and so we rented a car and drove around johannesburg. keep in mind, none of us have driven in months and they drive on the left side of the road with the steering wheel on the right-hand side. it was an experience. no one died and we didn't wreck the car, so i guess that's good. from south africa,we headed to macia, mozambique  where we stayed with joseph and mancoba. joseph is originally from mozambique and mancoba is from swaziland. joseph and mancoba have a ministry in rural mozambique that is in beginning stages of a school and feeding station for kids. a lot of our time in mozambique was spent with these sweet, sweet kids that joseph and mancoba are working hard to help. many of these kids are orphans and were among some of the most mal-nourished children i have ever seen in africa. you know those children with extremely distended bellys on "save the african child" commercials? yeah, that's exactly what these kids looked like. the village they live in is so rural that there is no electricity. when we first arrived, we met a small girl named angelina who was busy grinding maize in a bowl with a massive pole. i wish i could explain to you how hard this work is. this little girl had massive arm muscles already. i asked her (well, gestured she spoke no english) if i could give it a try and after about 2 minutes i was exhausted. i'm pretty sure i watched her do it for at least an hour straight. after a while, her mother told joseph who told me that angelina is 6 years old. on saturday, we fed about 60 children at the feeding station. again, my heart was captured by a tiny girl named luisa. i kept telling lindsey "i can't keep doing stuff like this, i'm ready to take one home," luisa spoke no english and i speak no shangan (local language in mozambique) but we bonded. she looked really malnourished and dirty and i decided she could probably use a few hugs. she timidly followed me around the whole day and i could not help but smile at her. she stole my heart. even though i knew her for a day, it was hard to leave her behind.

on sunday, we went to church and then went to the most beautiful beach. at about 7 pm we boarded a kombi and went to maputo (the capital of mozambique) to spend one final night. we stayed in a really cool hostel called fatima's for $20 and spent the next day wandering around maputo and scanning the craft market. i think we all spent too much money that day...but hey, they had some great local art and we felt we had to support our new friends ;) from there, the long journey back to gaborone began and it seemed neverending but alas, here i am, back in my dorm room in  botswana. it was an interesting feeling arriving back in botswana. i didn't feel as if i was entering another african country, it simply felt like i was arriving at home. it's amazing to me how much this place feels like home and leaving it made me realize how much i love it. i am so grateful for my friends here and the experiences i have had so far. i only have about 60 days left and that honestly terrifies me but God has a plan for me and i find peace in that and that alone. so cliche, but so true "for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." jeremiah 29:11

i'm sorry if this is boring

if you look around you will see lizards everywhere

i never thought i would say this but transitioning back to starbucks is going to be rough. they have the BEST coffee i have ever had in my life here. it is now august 26th. that's weird. i left on my little adventure on may 29th so it has now been almost exactly 3 months since i left the US. recently i have been having a lot of time to reflect or maybe i have been making time to reflect. probably because it is the halfway point. the biggest question that remains in my mind is "how do you go home from something like this and be normal?" to that, i do not have the answer. honestly, i don't even have a guess. it's not about the material poverty that being in africa lends itself to. many people may assume that returning to the US will be challenging on that level. in the past that is what has been hard. this time is different though. the way of life here is just different. the truth is that wearing long skirts, being on 'african time' and being a part of the minority just feels normal now. several weeks ago i stopped having the euphoric "I'M IN AFRICA" thoughts and began thinking about going to class and grabbing some coffee at my favorite coffee shop with some friends. looking around and being the only white person is even starting to feel normal. life in the US seems like such a foreign concept right now. i'm sure after a few weeks of returning i will start loving the quick service and constant, fast internet but for now i am almost enjoying the exceptionally slow-paced lifestyle. i'm starting to feel more motswana than texan and though there still are cultural differences and challenges to be faced i am enjoying the transition. obviously, there are things that i miss and am afraid to miss out on. SFA (my university) starts classes tomorrow. as much as i love being here, i love my school. i miss the tall trees and green grass. being here in the middle of a desert provides practically no greenery. i miss the simplicity of a starbucks on campus and hanging out with shelby wasting hours on facebook when we are suppossed to be studying. i miss heather. my favorite barista at starbucks who knows what to make for me as soon as she sees my face. i miss my family. i even miss chloe's non-stop talking. i miss driving alone from east texas to central texas through back country roads, blasting the music and singing along. i miss spanish. i even miss spanish class and constantly being in spanish mode. with all of that said, i wouldn't change where i am right now. i feel right. this sounds cheesy but i am happy with the way the Lord made me and the person i am turning into. i love the passions that He has given me and the places he has taken and still will take me. i am so grateful that he chose me to be passionate about languages and gave me the oppurtunity to be here. i love the way that life here feels so comfortable. i feel like the passions the Lord has created me with align so perfectly with what He has planned for my life. i think it is so cool that He does this. maybe this is boring but it is simply a compilation of my most recent thoughts. i have been hanging out naledi kids a lot and i love them with all my heart. things are good. thank you so much to those of you that have been praying for me and haven't forgotten about me. i said to the Lord, “Thou art my Lord; I have no good besides Thee” psalm 16:2.

i wish there were things in this that weren't true

i could lie and tell you that everything has been smooth. i could lie and tell you that i have loved every minute. i could lie and tell you that i have seen each day as a blessing. unforunately, those things aren't true. it's been an exceptionally rough few weeks. anyone that knows me knows how much i am in love with this continent but i began to feel that maybe that love was more so conditional for a few days there. like the only way i could love this place was if it painted the children i love as the victims they so often are and in an even sicker way painted me as the hero. not that i would ever say that or even think that i thought that. i guess i just realized that that is something i had hoped for in my subconcious. when i got robbed a week ago for the first time, i was the victim and that isn't the picture that i had so perfectly painted for myself. while in the scheme of things having your dorm room broken into is nothing compared to what many children on this continent face daily, it was a new kind of challenging pain for me. when i realized that i was thousands of miles from home with no laptop and no phone therefore no way to contact home or anyone in the US, i felt the most alone i have ever felt in my entire life. the few days following the robbery, i was angry. it felt like with each day following there was some sort of catastrophic event within the day to come in and steal my joy. i felt like i didn't deserve to be dealing with this. so, i grew angrier. i didn't want to talk to anyone unless they wanted to hear me complain. i honestly wanted to get on the first plane out of gaborone and head back to my hometown (keep in mind i have left out a lot of detail on everything that happened) i never thought i would feel that way in africa. that's when i started realizing this flaw within myself. though i knew africa was dangerous, i expected that the bad things wouldn't happen to me. i was untouchable. i had pictured life here to look about like a mission trip to africa and while mission trips are great, day to day life looks very different. instead of being the hero for a week, i'm just a regular living, breathing 20 year old girl trying to make her way through college just like all of the locals. as much as it hurts to realize a flaw within yourself the up side is that if you let it, change follows and you grow. God pulled me out of the angry place i lived in for the past week and has been showing me again why i love this place. He has shown me what needs to change and is now teaching me how to fall back in love with everyone and everything around me. i spent the day with kids in old naledi and realized that the whole past week of struggles was worth it to get to spend time with them. i could have packed it up and headed home but then i would have left without getting to spend today with those kids. i would have left with bitterness and with anger towards this country and its people. that would have been wrong. i have met tons of wonderful people and unfortunately a small group of theives could have so easily tainted my whole image of the batswana people. i am so grateful for the way the Lord chooses to do what He does. even though the hard times can be seemingly unbearable there is a reason and a lesson that is far more valuable than anything material. i am learning so much about life here in a way i didn't necessarily expect and i am happy to be getting a feel for what living here actually looks like. my God sustains His people and He is doing so much more than that. my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. psalm 73:26

our God is a cool guy

welcome to my room located in the las vegas dorm complex! i have been here for exactly one week as of today and have tried my best with very limited packing space to make my room feel like me, hence the harry potter fleece blanket. although it has been a week, i still don't have a roommate which has gotten pretty lonely. hopefully that will change soon enough. i have decent internet thanks to my fantastic 2,000 foot long ethernet cable which has been great for keeping in contact with everyone. today was the first day of classes and even though what i am about to say sounds ridiculous, let me first explain. the way that they number the buildings on this campus is not exactly logical or in any particular obvious order therefore, you may have building 239 and then building 247 directly next to it with building 240 being a 5 minute walk in the complete opposite direction. with that in mind, it took me 40 minutes to find my 50 minute biology class today. i was a little bit frustrated to say the least. but hey, i found it, right? now i know for next time. biology was my only class today so i was done with classes at 10 AM today. tomorrow i have lots and lots of linguistics classes all day long which, for those of you that know me, makes me a very happy camper. surprisingly to me, there are tons of international students here from all over the world.  i have new friends from finland, norway, sweden, canada, germany and many other countries. it has been a cool experience because not only am i learning about tswana culture but i am learning new things about places all over the world.

there are an overwhelming majority of americans here including a group of students with campus crusade for Christ who were here for a month and left this morning. these people were so precious and i am really sad that they left today. i remember back in march when i was still at SFA (my home university in the states) i was sitting at starbucks reading this massive book by world gospel outreach when a girl named autumn approached me and started talking to me about the book. i soon learned that she was a part of campus crusade for Christ at SFA and had been apart of one of their summer projects (mission trips) to africa. she invited me to attend some of the campus crusade meetings and look into some of the trips that campus crusade offered. for the last few weeks of school i attended campus crusade and although i was already going to zambia i looked at camous crusades summer projects. i noticed one going to gaborone, botswana from july 1st to august 1st and wondered if i would ever run into them. sure enough i did. furthermore, several posts ago i mentioned a slum/compound area in gaborone called "old naledi" that i felt the Lord really putting on my heart. after talking with these students with the campus crusade trip i found out that they had spent 2 of their 4 weeks working specifically in old naledi with the kids there. they introduced me to the man named matata that they worked with who runs a ministry in old naledi. matata was born and raised there and has an excellent understanding on the problems that transpire in this compound specifically. all of this brings me to my point that our God is a cool guy. if i wouldn't have met autumn back in march who knows if i would have been looking to meet the people working for campus crusade here in gaborone. if i wasn't so creepy about africa and didn't google "worst compounds in gaborone" 3,000 times i wouldn't have known about old naledi. if i wouldn't have met the campus crusade students who knows if i would have ever met matata. everything happens for a reason and He is behind it all. that is why i love my God.

approximately 12 hours

today, i'm not wearing deodorant. i know that sounds gross and yes, i am in public but i was too lazy to dig it out of my mess of a suitcase this morning. but hey, i am in europe right..? on that note we will pretend i can get away with this. so, here i sit at starbucks back in my comfort zone attempting to hold on to the last bits of familiarity before i head to botswana tomorrow. even though this time i am in england, at least i can get my java chip frappucino light but still with the whip cream, sit down, facebook creep and/or read a book. the past few weeks have been madness. i arrived in england on july 1st when i finished up a wonderful month in zambia. i have been staying with the sweet, sweet Parkes family in birmingham. i am so grateful for their hospitality. they have been so kind and welcoming to me and have just let me crash in their basement which is exactly what i needed. after a few days at the Parkes, my family arrived at the london-heathrow airport and we made the 2 hour trek down to london to go pick them up. it was great to see them all after a month of zambia and it was rather comical to see my father in an international setting (those of you who know him will understand ;) we spent a few great days all together, Parkes and Austins, riding around england in the rental car just being tourists. from there, my family flew to italy where we got to see the colosseum lit up in all it's glory at night in rome, buy artwork from a moroccan artist in florence, and be a part of an italian flash mob protesting the government in venice. unfortunately, this flash mob made it onto the local news channel. luckily we left venice that night before being thrown into an italian jail. whoops. from venice, we flew to the place i had so strongly insisted upon. SPAIN! i could not have been more excited to speak spanish non-stop for 4 days. then, back to england! my family returned to the states on the 20th and it was a rough goodbye as i know i won't see them again until december. being able to spend the past few weeks with them was really great and much-needed. since they left, i have been spending much of my time alone and processing the past 2 months of my life before i set out on the next 4. needless to say, i have gone to starbucks everyday the past few days...again, whoops. today is my last day in england and as excited as i am to return to africa, i really do love england. it has begun to feel like a nice home away from home for me. especially, once i realized due to layovers and such i have been here 6 times. brittish people are very welcoming people and are often very interested in the US. i have also been able to spend the majority of my time here away from london and the main tourist areas allowing me to partake in regular life in england. this place really is just great. today is my last day here as my train departs for the airport at 5:20 AM. (it is already 4:15 PM here) so, i have approximately 12 hours left in this place i have really come to enjoy. don't get me wrong though, i am going to back to africa and more than ready. the past three weeks i have really been missing that accent, dark skin, and those pure white smiles.

it's a bit surreal to be sitting in england at starbucks by myself, just processing life and researching africa, the way i would at home. i am more than excited to see what God has in store and who God has lined up for me to form relationships with in botswana. i am excited to branch out of zambia into a different african country. God has a lot to teach me and i can't wait to begin learning. i still am amazed that all of this is happening. i have literally been dreaming about God calling me to something like this since i was an 11 year old girl sitting in sunday school. i can't wait for african children. it's been three weeks, but i have missed them. please pray that i would become quickly acclimated and would bond with other students as quickly as possible. i have said a lot of hellos and even more goodbyes in the past 2 months. jumping between 4 countries, 4 different cultures in two months. some stability and deep friendships would be wonderful. it has been a bit lonely at times. thanks for continuing to read and keep up with this blog. everyone back at home and those of you i don't even know make me feel much less alone. be strong and courageous. do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. psalm 9:10

meanwhile in italy

it is 9 54 italian time and i have been sick in bed practically all day. my family and i arrived in florence, italy yesterday and are leaving for venice tomorrow. after that it will be on to spain for a few days where i will get to speak spanish until my little heart is content and then back to england. after a few days of england i will be BACK IN AFRICA! by the time i arrive in botswana only 3 weeks will have passed since i left zambia, but i miss africans so much i almost cant stand it. going back to the states for good is going to be ridiculous in december. the interesting thing about italian time is that it is exactly the same as zambian time. so, when it is 9 59 here, it is 9 59 there. often i look at the clock and think of exctly what i would be doing at that time on that day if i were still in zambia. it is kind of weird knowing pretty much exactly what summer staff is doing almost every minute of the day. i miss it and im jealous of them. last night something unexpected happened. since we have been in italy, i have noticed that at every large tourist attraction there have been a couple dozen african men trying to sell things to tourists. these items ranging from knock off rolex watches, to fake louis vuittons to cheap scarves. of course knowing me, i began starting conversations with a few of these men. i found out they are pretty much all from senegal, gambia and other west coast countries and of course they were the typical africans, kind as can be. at first i tried to ignore the fact that this is the cycle of african poverty continuing even here in more prosperous italy, until last night. my family walked up to this beautiful lookout point in florence to watch the sunset. among us were hundreds of tourists enjoying the sunset and again a large collection of african men selling crappy items. my family sat down on a bench and there was room for everyone to sit except for me, due to the fact that one of these african vendors had paintings for sale all over the ground and one was right in the way of where my feet would go if i were to sit down as well. so, i stood. the vendor noticed my family sitting and me standing after a few minutes. he bent down picked up the painting and patted his hand on the bench. i automatically assumed he was trying to sell me the painting and so i shook my head and said no. after a minute or so, i realized what he had actually done and so i sat down in the open space he had made for me. i started thinking about this. why were there hundreds of african men selling the most unappealing items night after night. i rarely saw anyone even stop to give them interest in their products, let alone buy something. i realized that their material poverty has reached beyond the borders of the african continent. maybe vending items in the middle of an italian street to wealthy tourists is good for them, but that is the best they can do? i know that is not what i aspire to do with my life. if that were me, i would be humiliated. i began talking with my mom about how these men are probably seperated from their families, trying to make more money than they would in their own country and sending the money home to their families back in africa. i cant imagine what that would be like. not to mention, it instills further into their minds that they are worthless because all day they get ignored by trourists that are tired of having people try to sell them things. the root of this problem is education. a simple education that i took so for granted and still do, provides me with aspirations. as i was talking to my mom and looking at this man who still kindly moved the painting for me to sit down, i started crying. in public...crying. the last thing i expected to be faced with in italy was african poverty and i wasnt ready for it. my littlest sister, chloe was listening to my mom and i discuss this issue and then she also started crying. it sounds a bit ridiculous but seeing my little sister and mom upset over what upsets me was good for me. this is real and its so easy to ignore it all and go about our simple lives. i know that i am one person and not God. i could never even attempt to fix every problem this continent has. but, i do know that for some reason God has given me a heart for these people. i will let their struggles affect me and mourn over their pain. be careful though, because when you let it affect you, you just might find yourself crying on a bench in the middle of italy. but my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. phillipians 4 19

PS there are still a lot of kids who need sponsors!! check the blog entitled Be a father to the Fatherless.

BE a father to the fatherless

I am now in london and my heart broke into about 800 pieces when the plane took off from lusaka. This blog is rather long but the sole purpose of this particular post is to get my kids sponsored. If you have any questions about sponsorship, feel more than free to contact me. the following group of girls is from camp life week 2. unfortunately, their american counselor had to cancel last minute and was unable to come to camp. the group was “zambian only” meaning they ended up with 2 zambian counselors only. these sweet little girls came through the “snap” (photo) line to get their pictures taken on Tuesday that week. while rebecca and I were organizing the children to get their pictures taken one of the zambian counselors working with this group told rebecca and I that these girls had been praying for an american. rebecca and I decided to “adopt” them for the week. we told them to notice how good God was because He gave them not one, but two american counselors! these little girls stole our hearts and I love each and every one of them. I asked the zambian counselor which 2 girls they would recommend most for sponsorship and they said agness and stella. these girls don’t really have an american to come home and tell their stories so that hopefully they can be sponsored! I don’t know all of their stories exactly but I could possibly find out. if any of them really stand out to you, PLEASE let me know. they could all benefit from sponsorship.

 this is agness njovu. she is 11 years old and not in school whatsoever. when agness came to camp she had the most, to be completely honest, repulsive wound on her elbow. it was healing but not in a natural, normal way.  she originally fell down when she was playing and had a minor wound. her parents took her to the local witch doctor to get her wound “healed”. the witch doctor ended up poking 2 very large holes in her elbow to “drain the puss from the wound”. after making the wound much bigger, they stuffed it with “healing” herbs.  Laura, our camp life nurse, took off the scab as this little girl silentlycried and said that what she saw literally looked like oregano inside of this wound. this was  on Tuesday. after the herbs had been removed, it began to heal normally. by Friday it was nothing short of a miracle. it was already scarring and nearly gone completely.  When I had first seen the wound on Tuesday, I was afraid they were going to say her arm needed to be amputated, it really looked that bad, at least to my non-medical eyes. Instead God chose to show Himself to agness and myself. I truly believe I witnessed a miracle that day.

  

this is stella chikasha and she is now sponsored! her father has 7 wives. she is the second child of one of his wifes and with seven wives you can imagine how many children he must have. because of the amount of children and wives her father has, this precious 10 year old gets practically no love or attention from her father. not to mention, the terrible example her father is being of the way women should be treated. she is also 11 years old and only in grade 1. this little girl would just cling to me and Rebecca when we would come by the group and she is just filled with the most joy. she has a smile that could make anyone’s day!

 this is mercy mubanga. she is about 8 or 9 years old. I absolutely fell in love with this sweet baby. everytime she saw me she would wrap her arms around my neck and then lift her whole tiny body up to me just with her little arms. she is a precious creation of the King!

this is margaret chipili. she is about 9 years old and so intelligent. she always ran directly to me whens she saw me and is so full of love. she has the most beautiful smile and a heart of gold!

this is loveness mutale. she is about 10 years old as well. she has the most quiet, kind spirit and is probably often ignored because she is quieter than some of the other children. she is such a sweet heart and got to learn all about the eminent love that the Lord has for her at camp.

 

this is eunice mutale. she was one of the older girls of the group, probably about 14 years old. she was like a mom to the younger girls in the group and was also a bit quieter than some of the others. she is very nurturing and soft-spoken. obviously a wonderful creation of the Lord just like the rest of them!

this is rosemary kawambe. she is approximately 13 years old. the first thing that stuck out to me about rosemary was her intelligence. this girl’s English was beautifully spoken. that doesn’t necessarily mean she has had a good experience in school but it does tell me that she perseveres. there is a good chance that she mostly taught herself English rather than learning it in school. a beautiful, young girl with so much potential to succeed and influence her country in a positive way! she simply needs the means to learn. education makes a huge difference


this is tabesi phiri. she is probably 13 years old. this girl is also very intelligent and rather soft-spoken. children like tabesi give me hope for zambia’s future. she has a desire to learn and the natural intelligence to do so all she needs is the means by which to accomplish her goals!

this is justina chuulu. she is about 13 years old. again, intelligent and soft-spoken. there is so much potential in this young life! she is such a valuable, special creation of the Lord!

next, are my boys. I had them in my group for week 4 of camp life. they completely stole my heart and I love each one of them as if they were my own children.  I am going to list them in order of greatest need to least need (when I say “least need” trust me, they would still benefit, their situation just isn’t quite as dire as some of the others).

this is ezidali phiri. he is 11 years old and only in grade 3. his parents both passed away due to prolonged illness (likely HIV/AIDS). ezidali now stays with his grandmother who beats him every day. he told us that he sometimes eats one meal a day and sometimes goes all day without eating. keep in mind, when these kids say “meal” it really equates to something we americans would consider a snack. when asked what he wants to be when he grows up he said he wanted to be a dish washer and he doesn’t even know what university is. this boy clung to me from the beginning and it was clear that he was in desperate need of love and attention. he has lived a lifetime in 11 years.

this is charles mulenga and he now has a sponsor! I would say he was my most tender-hearted boy. he is 9 years old and only in grade 1. there are 8 people living in his house, including his mother but the father passed away. his mother doesn’t work. charles said that they get food from the grandma and if she has none they go without food. the likelihood that this grandma works is very slim and therefore, charles probably goes without food most of the time. he cannot read but he can write. he currently attends a school where his teachers consistently beat him. this year at camp life he accepted Christ and this precious 9 year old began to cry. when I asked him what was wrong, he replied with “mamvwela bwino” meaning “I feel good.” he continued by saying “I feel so good that I have finally accepted Christ into my heart”. even as a 9 year old charles is able to understand the saving power of Christ Jesus.

this is john muluwangi. he is 9 years old and has only finished grades 1 and 2. he is currently not attending school at all. there are 14 people that live in his house, including his mother. unfortunately, the father left the family in 2011 and lives very far away in eastern province. john eats only one “meal” a day. john lives with an abusive brother that consistently beats him. I love this boy and God is moving in his young life as he accepted Christ at camp life this year!

this is dalitso phiri. he is 10 years old and only in grade 2. 10 people live in his house, including his mother. his father left the family. dalitso is often beaten and only receives one meal to eat per day. his mother does not work and has to ask friends for food and money. this kid desperately needs an opportunity to succeed. he accepted Christ at camp life this year!

this is joseph mulenga. he is 10 years old. he lives with his mom and three brothers. his father passed away and now no one in the family works. sometimes, a kind neighbor will provide food for the family to eat but otherwise they go hungry. several years ago, witches from his community awoke him from his sleep and tried to kill him. even as an 8 or 9 year old boy, he knew where his help came from. he shouted “JESUS!” and the witches were forced to leave.I am so proud of joseph who is already turning into a strong man of God even at age 10.

this is samuel phiri. he is my oldest boy at 13 years old and let me tell you, this kid is a warrior. his father, his sister and samuel ALL have epilepsy. samuel has a seizure about once a month. samuel’s sister passed away during a severe seizure a few months ago and I can tell samuel fears the same destiny. we prayed over samuel and he immediately started sobbing. we prayed for a future and for healing from epilepsy and I believe that God will do that. his mother beats him when he misbehaves. he was absolutely the leader of my group and lead several people to the Lord on “community day” when we went to his own matero compound. he knows how to write and wants to learn how to read!

this is thomas phiri. he is 10 years old and we are unsure if he is in school. he told us that he went to a school that to mine and my Zambian partners knowledge doesn’t exist. there is a good chance that he could be making up a school name to avoid embarrassment. thomas is practically a double-orphan meaning that both of his parents have either passed away or just aren’t in the picture. thomas’s  father died when he was only 4 years old and his mother stays in the village and left him in Lusaka with his grandma. thomas accepted Christ at camp life this year!

this is john siyame. he was the youngest boy in my group at 8 years old. 10 people stay in his 2-roomed house, including his mother. he told us that the father left several months ago to “collect charcoal” which translates to “his father left him and his mother”. he is currently not in school. john accepted Christ at camp life this year!

this is simon zulu. I can guarantee that you will not find a cuter 9 year old. this precious boy speaks beautiful English. he was one of my youngest boys and probably best English speaker. there are 7 people that stay in his house and prase the Lord, both of his parents are still living! simon accepted Christ at camp life this year!

this is andrew daka. he is in grade 4 and is 10 years old. his father passed away many years ago so, it is now just him, his mother and 4 siblings. now, let me tell you about Andrew. this kid wakes up every morning at 2 AM to pray. he is 10 years old and I could learn a lot from him. I absolutely love this kid.

instilling the truth that these children ARE valuable and ARE special and are NOT forgotten is so important. God sees them and He loves them. if you feel called to sponsor any of them you would be changing a life. please don’t hesitate. often, a sponsorship is life or death for these children due to the fact that food is provided through the sponsorship as well as the best education possible in Zambia. To succeed, these kids need to be educated and a sponsorship will give them that blessing. lastly, a sponsorship provides the child with a discipleship leader hired by family legacy to go and check up on them. the DL will ask them about their lives and in many ways fill in where a mother/father figure is missing. for food, a top education, and a spiritual mentor the cost is only $40 a month. one of the coolest things about a sponsorship through family legacy is the fact that if you ever want to visit your child you can go to Zambia and do that! you are enabled to go to their house and meet their families. this is very uncommon in the world of sponsorship. maybe you don’t feel called to go to Zambia to be there with the children, but we are the hands and feet of Jesus Christ and He commands us to love the widows and the fatherless.  even if that isn’t through sponsoring one of my babies, thank you for reading their stories and giving them a voice. that is so important. please e-mail me at lindsayraeaustin@hotmail.com if you have any questions about sponsorship or message me on my blog or facebook! thanks for reading <3

in case you were still wondering if sponsorship really makes that much of a difference in a child’s life, I wanted to use my family’s personal experience with sponsorship.

this is ireed banda. she will be 12 years old on july 7th and I love her like she is my own child. the top picture on was taken in 2010 when I first met ireed. she was attending mwitendwa, which is an awful community school. she was beaten every day by her mother and father. the picture in the middle is ireed in 2011 when i was unable to attend camp life. the picture on the bottom is ireed banda 2012, still coming to camp life. my family and i have had the unique opportunity to watch her grow up. she is so big now! she now attends matero LCA which is family legacy’s own version of private school. she can write AND read. she is surrounded by Christian teachers that teach her about math and science as well as Jesus Christ. the discipleship leader in her area calls her by first and last name every time she sees her and ireed really likes her. her father passed away just 5 weeks ago and because of the sponsorship, ireed was able to come to camp and I was able to be there for her. she is still grieving the loss of her father and though her mother and sisters don’t allow her to cry, we were able to cry together. my family has been changed through this sponsorship and I have watched their hearts grow for ireed. she is a part of our family. when I got to tell ireed that she has 7 americans that she is allowed to call “family” she began to weep. one life at a time, this country can be shown the love of Christ through inadequate humans. a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. psalm 68:5

go read psalm 107

well, it's thursday morning of the strangest week i've had in zambia yet. one of the summer staff girls ended up in a zambian hospital overnight (praise the Lord she is doing much better), another summer satff-er almost got deported this morning due to some passport confusion and that's only summer staff. over at camp we saw a precious 5 year old girl with HIV, one sweet boy with leprosy, another girl who was born without a private part and can't control her urine. she is 15 years old. the logistics of trying to help some of these children is a bit overwhelming and i feel that prayer is often my only answer. that, and putting the stories out there and hoping people will be affected by what they hear/read and maybe be moved to some sort of action. i'm not going to lie and say that this week has been glorious or that it has been easy. it has been plain frustrating. there is one exception to the frustration though. the girl my family sponsors, ireed, i was able to go and visit a few weeks ago. to be honest, i was really upset with the whole visit. while i was with her, i found out her father had passed away 3 weeks earlier. though i knew her father was abusive, i was still thinking of this situation in an american context where death is viewed as a tragedy. his passing i believe was a gift from God. also while talking with ireed, i learned that even though she was supposed to be attending chitanda basic school, her father basically has been refusing her education and forcing her to attend the same community she attended 2 years ago when i met her. the school system in zambia is a bit of a challenge, so i will explain it. you have 3 types/levels of schooling. community(lowest), government(medial), private(best). the community level is pitiful and is often simply a way for the locals to make some cash. there can be up to 200 children to one "teacher" with this "teacher" only having up to a 7th grade education themself. school only last about two hours a day and kids are often abused. community school is a joke of an education to be completely honest. this is the level of school that my little girl's father was forcing her to continue to attend even though through her sponsorship she could afford up to the best education offered in zambia. the second level of education in zambia is government which is broken up either by primary school (grades 1-7) or basic school (grades 1-9). government schools are a large step up from community schools with generally good teachers and about 5 hours of school per day. the top level is private school. family legacy provides their own private schools called "lifeway christian academies" that are reserved for sponsored children. ireed's father refused to let her attend the wonderful matero LCA where she would learn to read and write and become a well-educated member of zambian society. he even refused government school, the second level of education. ireed has been left with the lowest level of community school. i also know that mwitendwa, the community school she has been attending, is particularly awful. a few days ago, some of family legacy's zambian staff went to ireed's house to go and speak with her mother about ireed attending an LCA. so far, she has said she is willing to allow her to attend the matero LCA! they are meeting with her again within the next few days just to be sure, but if things continue to go as planned, ireed should be attending the matero LCA within the next week or so! this is a huge answer to prayer due to the fact that her mother is also abusive therefore, i thought she might feel the same as her deceased husband about ireed's education. the Lord is good and He provides. who knew death could be used for good. He makes all things new. ireed will be at camp next week as well! i will see her on monday. initially, she wasn't going to be able to come to camp because everyone thought she was attending government school and we can't pull the kids out of government school for a whole week. since she isn't, she gets to come to camp and i will get to see her precious face for a whole week. again, GOD IS GOOD. if you don't believe that yet, you should. amidst all the HIV, leprosy, satanism, what have you i can tell you even more strongly than ever that He is good.  psalm 107:1 give thanks to the Lord for he is good, his love endures forever.

ruth means "friend"

ruth on the left and thelma on the right :)

today was just one of those days where i don’t know where to start. I am overcome with joy, filled with sadness, completely disgusted and praising the Lord all at once. to start off, in a previous blog I mentioned where the name “chikondi” originated. at camp life 2010, there were three girls who were not in my group at camp, but would come and give me hugs and talk to me. they gave me the Zambian name “chikondi” meaning “love” in Nyanja. I never knew anything about them, not even their names but I always felt special that they had given me a name that symbolizes the very essence of God because God IS love. I held on to that, even naming my blog after the name they had given me, as you can see. now, fast forward to camp life 2012. today, I am lining up girls to get their pictures taken and the line was unfortunately long so, I began talking with some 15 or 16 year old girls while they waited in line. we ended up talking for maybe 20 or 30 minutes and the girl, who I later learned was named ruth, asked me if I had ever been given a Zambian name. I began to tell her the story of the 3 girls at camp life 2010 who gave me the name chikondi. she interrupted me to tell me that that was her and the girl, Thelma standing in line next to her who had given me the named chikondi. (I’m not sure where the 3rd was) I almost started crying as they began to recount the entire story to me from 2 years ago. these girls have now been coming to camp life since 2006 and are continuing to grow in the Lord. they are absolutely beautiful, so intelligent and speak wonderful English. the girls go through the line and take their pictures and I don’t see them again until the “big group session” a few hours later, which is where all 1000 zambian orphans at camp for the week meet up to hear a message, sing, dance and watch a skit. (needless to say it is absolute wonderful madness) after the big group session, ruth comes and finds me somehow in the tangle of children and hands me what is likely her one and only stuffed animal. she says to me “auntie chikondi, I want you to have this.” I kept asking her “are you sure? are you sure?” and she just kept saying “yes.” quite possibly one of the most selfless acts I have ever witnessed, especially once I found out more about this precious girl. about an hour later, me and another summer staff-er, Rebecca, were sent to help in the prayer and blessing room, which is where children with extenuating circumstances are sent for extra prayer time. we prayed over child after child, heard horrifying story after horrifying story and then lastly I look up to see my sweet ruth walking in. I was instantly nervous because the stories that come into that room specifically are very painful and some of the worst at camp. the Zambian accompanying ruth begins telling us about her life. we find out that this 15 year olds mother and 4 siblings were killed by a witch doctor shortly after, ruth also watched her very best friend get her throat slit by a witch doctor. last year, ruth was kidnapped by another witch doctor where who knows what was done to her. by the grace of God, ruth was returned home and is still alive today. Ruth loves the Lord but is constantly tormented by the witch doctors in her community and lives in fear that they will kill her. this is her reality day in and day out. I sit here writing this trying to process this girls life in the best way I can and my faith is increased. this girl who has been tormented and literally could be murdered at any moment just for choosing Jesus Christ so selflessly gave me, an American, who is completely financially stable compared to where she is coming from, most likely one of her only possessions. of all things, a stuffed animal. an item of comfort when you are scared alone in your room at night as a child which, is likely every night of her young life. Jesus Christ is alive and well and I saw Him today. He revealed Himself to me through a 15 year old girl who has a faith a thousand times stronger than mine. she is living the gospel. she has nothing but still gives. thank you jesus, for ruth. on to part 2 of today. going back to lining girls up to take pictures, there was one group of 10 girls that came through the line. when asked the 2 zambians leading the group where their American partner was they told me that it was a “zambian only” group meaning that there was basically not enough American volunteers to go around and so this group did not get an American counselor. the Zambian leaders told me that the girls had been pretty sad about not having an American counselor and had been praying that the Lord would give them one. Rebecca (another summer staff-er who I mentioned earlier) and I were working on organizing picture taking together and both happened to be standing there listening to this. Rebecca and I both don’t have groups this week due to the fact that we are on summer staff and so we primarily focus on more “behind the scenes” stuff and make sure camp runs smoothly.  Rebecca and I aren’t exactly allowed to have a “real” group but we told them that we could both be their adopted americans and we would come visit them and hang out with them at camp when possible. they were so excited and would not stop hugging us. I told them to see how good God is that He gave them not only the 1 american counselor that they had been praying for but 2! honestly, these girls are so special to me already. I can tell the Zambians working with them have enjoyed having me and Rebecca come and play with them and are keeping us updated on their situations. while we were in the picture line, one of the Zambian leaders took one of the girls from the group aside with me and told her to take off her jacket and show me her arm. the girls name is agness. she is 10 years old and has 2 infected wounds the size of a baseball on her elbow. I don’t exactly know how to describe what I saw, but I have a weak stomach and just thinking about it makes me nauseous . I told her that I would later come and find her to take her to the nurses tent. a few hours later, I did just that. I started wandering around camp past the 91 groups that weren’t my girls. group number 64. All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I see approximately 10 small children charging at full speed towards me. they literally tackle me and I fall to the ground. these girls 100 percent have my heart. I barely know their names but I love them each so much. I find agness and take her to the nurses tent. my friend, laura, who is the camp nurse reports the wound to some head camp life staff who end up deciding to take agness to the hospital. it is literally that bad. what we believe happened is that she fell and fractured her arm/elbow and scraped it up pretty bad. no one ever took her to the doctor and the scrapes began to get infected. Agness’s family decided to take her to a “local clinic” aka a witch doctor who clearly tampered with the wound. It is now healing very strangely because we are pretty sure the witch doctor put some sort of herb into the wound which simply infected it worse. the witch doctor also decided to make two larger holes in the wound to “drain the puss” which has only grown the wound to a much larger size. sweet agness just sat in complete silence and sat staring straight ahead while the nurse cleaned her wound with hydrogen peroxide. I watched agness as silent tears began to fall down her checks but she never once complained. I gave her some tootsie rolls, advil and prayer and took her to the big group session where shde began to cheer up. I am praying for agness tonight as she is weighing heavily on my heart. a few hours later, all of the summer staff-ers began inventorying large boxes of shoes when a staff member walked up and asked for 2 volunteers to go into the prayer and blessing tent. Rebecca and I were chosen to go. keep in mind that I was with rebecca randomly when we met “or group” of girls in the picture line. as we were walking over, the staff member started to tell us about a group of ten girls that were currently in the prayer and blessing room that had many problems. Rebecca and I were both a bit nervous as we had never worked in the prayer and blessing room before and it can be rather intense. we walked in to the room and OUR GROUP of 10 girls was the group of 10 that the staff member had been talking about. they were all in there together and they all needed prayer. It was so cool that we got to prayer for our girls and that it happened to be me and Rebecca together again. God is intelligent and arranges situations in such a unique way. I was literally blown away by everything that happened today. lastly, to give and update on ireed, seeing her on Saturday was so wonderful. she is so grown up now and will turn 12 on july 7. also, she can read!! she read psalm 5 beautifully to me out loud. unfortunately, there has been a lot of tragedy recently taking place in ireed’s life. 3 weeks ago, her father passed away and a few days later her grandmother committed suicide. It is now 6 children to one mother. Ireed’s mother is abusive and the whole situation will probably be escalated now that she is the sole provider of the family. I literally sobbed the whole time I sat in their house. I just felt so broken. I had to sit there and look at her mother in their small 2 room house.we dropped off about 2 months’ worth of food and then ireed came with us to do some other food drops. we had a wonderful time talking in the car and I realized how much I had missed my little girl. I can’t really keep writing about this or the tears will start again. I have never been in a situation where I feel so helpless. I know that my baby is in a terrible, potentially life-threatening situation and there is nothing I can do to stop it. the Lord is teaching me to trust Him with my child. I like to fix things and fix peoples problems. this time I can’t. I am an insignificant human and God is God. He is stronger. Ireed’s mother is an insignificant human. God is God. He is stronger. God can intercede in a way that I can’t. He can change the heart of an angry child-beating woman and He can protect my baby from the pain that her own mother’s hits bring. I trust You with Ireed, Lord. that is all I can do and that is what He has been teaching me these days. I am pretty sure that wins the record for world’s longest blog post but I had a lot to say and I am mostly just trying to process. writing everything out really helps me to think clearly. the sad thing is, is that is currently 2,024 words long and that still isn’t enough. there are details left out, moments forgotten and emotions cut short.

 what it all comes down to, is that God is good. today He gave me exactly what I needed and He is sustaining me. the other night I was really upset about Ireed’s situation and randomly flipped open my Bible and began to read. God spoke directly to me. the LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. psalm 146:9

my day in misisi

here’s to my first blog post in Zambia! CAMP LIFE WEEK 1 IS COMPLETE!! average number of hours of sleep per night = 4. number of nature valley granola bars eaten = 11. number of roaches I have killed in my villa = 3. number of children filled with the joy of the Lord today leaving camp = 1022. making the lack of sleep, granola bars, and even the roaches completely worth it. It is 11:18 PM on Friday night in Zambia right now but they go off army time so really it is 23:18. It has been nice not having to deal with AM and PM.  yesterday, i  was able to go into a compound called “misisi”. in nyanja  (the language spoken in lusaka, Zambia) the word “sisi” means hair and “mi” marks the possessive. therefore, “misisi” can mean “anyone’s hair”. I was proud of myself because i figured that out with my linguistic skills and checked with a local Zambian and was correct. so, shout out to professor chris sams! I’ve been learning in linguistics ;) anyways, moving past my linguistic moment. misisi was crazy. the word compound simply refers to what you may think of as a village, neighborhood or community. this week at camp life was the first time in camp life’s history that misisi kids have ever come to camp. misisi is a very dark area that is hard to reach. we have never even been able to get in there until this week. I was among the very first group of americans bused into misisi. likely, the first time these people had seen a large bus driving through the streets of their compound let alone a bus full of muzungus (white people). While we drove through the streets child after child shouted “MUZUNGU, MUZUNGU!!” I have been to a few other compounds in lusaka but this one was the most horrifying I have seen. directly after exiting the bus I turned the corner around a one room house to smile at a little girl and I look up to see about a football field size swamp of sewage with mounds of trash lining the edges. I focused on the little girl to get my mind off of what I had just seen, which was hard considering the thought that this 2 year old lives steps away from this deathly lake of sewage.  I said goodbye to her and her family and re-joined the group.  some local children started gathering around the muzungus and my friend laura brought me up to one young girl sitting on the outskirts of the group alone. she smelled awful and had something crusty all around her mouth but I instantly loved her. I looked at her and she looked up at me with her arms up. I picked her up and held on to her. I started asking her “ndiwe ndani?” which means “what is your name?” and she just kept grunting at me. I was a bit confused but just kind of smiled and went on with her in my arms while she hugged me like she was never going to let go. I quickly noticed that when I was with her the other kids wouldn’t touch me or really get near me. I started noticing their whispers to each other and picked up on her name in their conversations. from what Nyanja I know and the look on everina’s face the comments weren’t friendly. this girl was an outcast. for a minute I thought of putting her down and playing with some other kids, being selfish and getting more attention. instead I decided to try and feel how everina felt for a little while and be an outcast with her. I continued to hold her and tried to make her feel as special as I possibly could. her teacher came up to greet me and informed me that everina could not speak. she told me that she once got very sick and since then could not speak. I took her over to one of the Zambians that works for family legacy and asked if we could pray for her. we did and though nothing miraculous happened in that moment I am continuing to pray for her and that she can speak again. include sweet everina in your prayers. I have never seen a child so desperately in need of love living with such a constant lack of it. God is the ultimate healer and I believe in a miracle for everina, even though I may not be there to witness it firsthand. furthermore, as we walked through misisi there were piles and piles of trash with hundreds upon thousands of flies enjoying each pile. the kids often barefoot walking through piles of mystery garbage that may contain who knows what, a nail? a piece of glass? an old knife? there was one point I legitimately thought I was going to throw up. around me were hundreds of beautiful, precious,wonderful children smiling up at me trying to impress me with their best English and then just 3 feet further down was accident upon accident waiting to happen. that was the first time in a long time I have been truly disgusted by someone’s living conditions. as much as I wish I could fix everything, I also know that God has a plan and He loves those precious children more than I do. I trust Him with misisi. other than misisi, camp was wonderful. Being on summer staff is probably the single most tiring role I have ever played. the Lord is teaching me all sorts of things. things different than what I expected. He is teaching me how to be a servant in the ways that I am not naturally gifted and though that may not be as enjoyable for me at times I am learning such valuable things. the other summer staff girls are excellent. we have really bonded and get along like sisters. I couldn’t have asked for a better group. I know that was really long but thank you for reading <3 who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. romans 8:34

i will be posting about my time with my baby ireed hopefully later today depending on internet access and time but i hope you have enjoyed reading this! :)  your prayers are much appreciated!